We're Headed Up My Mom's Ass!

The bus ride home from Edmonton was interesting. There was no Kangaroo Jack or any sort of movie. There was a woman who discovered at the Edmonton South stop, where I was picked up, that she was on the wrong bus, but neglected to mention it to the bus driver until she got to Red Deer,almost four hours later. She was sitting across the aisle from this guy who couldn't wait to get to Red Deer to smoke a joint. I half expected him to click his heels when he got off the bus there for our coffee break. I suppose he tided himself over with the bottle of colt 45 he had brought on the bus. It was actually quite sad hearing him talk. As far as I could tell his life was sort of like this:
-originally from PEI
-moved to Edmonton 25 years ago
-worked in construction/oil/manual labour and had earned fairly decent money
-had a falling out with his dad
-had a falling out with his sister over inheritance and land, said that he wanted to kill her seemed pretty serious about it, but was deterred because her husband was a cop
-had a falling out with his wife and the mother of his five kids
-hadn't gone a day with out a drink of alcohol in the last three years
-had plans to quit by december
-had bank accounts set up for each of his five kids so they'd be provided for in the future, kept bringing up the fact that he didn't want his wife touching that money.
-was 40 years old

I'm not sure how much was true, but it didn't seem like things you'd make up in order to impress someone, unless he was trying on the "I'm so fucked up, don't fuck with me" facade.

The girl who was on the wrong bus was suppose to be heading towards Yellowknife to see her kids, but instead of heading North she was heading South to Calgary. She befriended the guy who wanted to kill his sister whilst sharing the Colt 45.

At the Red Deer stop they smoked their joint and I stood close by outside, listened to their conversations, and breathed in a mix of gas fumes, pot, and cigarettes. I wish I had a cigarette to smoke so I wouldn't look so conspicuous, so out of place, so obvious. After a while I started to become transfixed by the neon windmill that stood guard outside Red Deer's 24 hour, 'Donut Mill'.

When we got back on the bus, he kept telling her that it was Greyhound's fault and that they'd have to fly her back. If they didn't he had a buddy who would loan him money and he'd make sure she got to Yellowknife. She switched seats to be next to him, but by the end of the bus ride she was telling him to stop touching her in a very loud voice. She looked strung out (most likely due to the mixture of coffee, beer, pot and cigarettes) and quite distraught. He tried to assuage her fears as best a drunk stranger could. I think the falling out occurred when he turned around to gauge my opinion on the situation, "Man it's the busdriver's fault, he didn't do a headcount, right?" "Can you stop embarassing me, can you stop rehashing this to everyone, please just stop this and don't fucking touch me." I wanted to hear more of their story, but I didn't want to be involved in it. I pretended to fall asleep in a hurry.

I think sometimes you can find out too much about people when travelling by bus.

My trip to Edmonton started off on an omninous note, Kangaroo Jack and I-Spy were the movies that were being shown. I was kind of glad I hadn't brought earphones because then I didn't have to listen to the inane dialogue, however even deaf people weren't saved from this monstrosity. While watching Kangaroo Jack you could just tell that tripe was spewing from their mouths. The only scene that had my undivided attention is when the titular character spouts his signature phrase (or well the phrase from that overplayed preview/commercial) 'Nice!' while flashing the O-K sign in Jerry O'Connell's face. It's sad to say, but that Sliders tv series was genius compared with this movie.

Speaking of nerds, I think I may hate them. This being one of the many reasons.
I think time machines are cool, all my favourite star trek episodes involve time travel, but seriously this site is awfully dumb and you'd have to be completely blind to world events to believe that all of the predictions on this site will happen.

My favourite Star Trek episode is Patterns of Force. Kirk and Spock try to make contact with this brilliant mind from Starfleet Academy who is acting as a cultural observer on a chaos ridden primitive planet. He decides that the best way to improve the world is to model it on an efficient Earth culture/society. For some reason, even though he's supposed to be a brilliant, wise professor, he elects to choose Nazi Germany. Everything goes fine for a while, but unfortunately he fucking forgot the part about the holocaust and the facism and things spiral out of control. What a dummy. Old people need more foresight.

Like the old man that sat across from me on the way to Edmonton. Don't ride the bus if you're going to hack, wheeze, and fart the whole way there.

I saw Black Rice play in Edmonton at Seedy's and they were amazing. The Wolfnote also played, which leads into my next joke...

I was at a bar on Whyte avenue when I saw an argument take place outside the side window. The participants were some young gentlemen clad in undershirts aka 'wifebeaters', they were rather passionate about their arguments, which I couldn't hear due to the pane of glass between us. I then narrated their conversation which went like this:

"Fuck you man Dostoevsky is the fuckin' bomb'
shove
"Nah man, you just opened the wrong can of worms, Crime and Punishment is for pussies, pussies like you"
"Knave! Fuckin Knave, Tolstoy is a hack!"
ad infinitum until the cops break it up and proclaim that everyone better bow down to Pasternak.

This weekend I drank an Olands. I haven't had one in 2 years. It was great.