Wednesday, April 13, 2005
"Everybody's right, everything I've done is wrong"
-Minor Threat
"Anyone who says 'Smile you'll feel better' is full of shit"
-Dan Sinker
On Monday a package from Jade Tree arrived at the same time as my rejection letter from the Masters of Library Science program. The package along with some ice cream I had left over was enough to distract me. I didn't worry about what I was going to do next year and I didn't fret that the last year of school and work was, well, a bit of a waste.
Today it was just a single piece of mail from the Library Science program at the University of Alberta. It made me feel like a fake. All those times people asked me what I had planned to do in September and all those times I replied with 'Hopefully if all goes right my Masters in Library Science." It made me feel like my life had some direction and I wasn't wasting my time at a job that I wasn't totally in love with. No I don't really have anything.
It's not going to work out regardless of whether or not I'm waiting on two other schools. I got rejected based on my academic record, all library schools essentially have the same academic standards and I don't meet them. I was hoping a B- and a stellar resume and application package would be enough to charm someone. Fuck charming.
I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I suppose noone does, but I just don't have anything to fall back on and devote my energies to. This was it. I was good at this. It's not like I'm doing anything with writing.
-Minor Threat
"Anyone who says 'Smile you'll feel better' is full of shit"
-Dan Sinker
On Monday a package from Jade Tree arrived at the same time as my rejection letter from the Masters of Library Science program. The package along with some ice cream I had left over was enough to distract me. I didn't worry about what I was going to do next year and I didn't fret that the last year of school and work was, well, a bit of a waste.
Today it was just a single piece of mail from the Library Science program at the University of Alberta. It made me feel like a fake. All those times people asked me what I had planned to do in September and all those times I replied with 'Hopefully if all goes right my Masters in Library Science." It made me feel like my life had some direction and I wasn't wasting my time at a job that I wasn't totally in love with. No I don't really have anything.
It's not going to work out regardless of whether or not I'm waiting on two other schools. I got rejected based on my academic record, all library schools essentially have the same academic standards and I don't meet them. I was hoping a B- and a stellar resume and application package would be enough to charm someone. Fuck charming.
I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I suppose noone does, but I just don't have anything to fall back on and devote my energies to. This was it. I was good at this. It's not like I'm doing anything with writing.
