We're Headed Up My Mom's Ass!

Rules for a Softball Game
by Bobby Byrd

1. One lady on the field at all times.
2. Every player must play at least two innings (consecutive).
3. Straight slow pitch.
4. No umpires?
5. No walks.
6. No steals.
7. No bunts.
8. One base on throwaways.
9. One guy over 50 at all times.

Now that I've finished the immersion program
I know that I can
do anything I put my mind to
Je peux rap en anglais ou francais
Je suis hardcore mais je peux dancer

-MC Ending


MC Ending was Nathan MacDonald. He was in grade nine when I was in grade seven. My brother loathed him and thought he was 'gay'. I actually thought he was pretty cool because while he was incredibly white and was from Reserve Mines, he was waaaay into Public Enemy and had a homemade Africa medallion that was red, green, and black. He was simultaneously the coolest and most fucked up person at my junior high school aside from the guy who had a beard and looked like Jesus, if Jesus lived on Brookland St, was into Maiden, and was 18 in grade 9.

He's also the first person I actually know who has an entry on Answers.com.
There is no mention of his rap career.

Barry Bonds? I'd hit him at least once a game. 'Cause he's got all that shit on. Yeah, let's see that shit stop the ball from hurting him if I hit him on the motherfucking elbow or something. I'd hit him just to see, does it work?
-Dock Ellis on pitching to Barry Bonds


At his peak, Dock Ellis was literally like Bob Gibson on acid. An intimidating right hander, Ellis pitched a no hitter under the influence of LSD, beaned Reggie Jackson in the face for showboating after a homerrun, five years after the incident took place, and didn't give a fuck what anybody thought.

Ellis has now been sober for over two decades and works as drug counselor.

(thanks to Esten Gerriets for sending me the linked article)

Chuck Finley, the greatest lefthander in history to ever have been beaten up by a washed up actress

I bought some Chuck Finley memorabilia off ebay today. I will make sure that it never shares the same drawer with my my America's Funniest People video collection.

The former Mrs. Finley is doing ok for herself these days, She recently had an advice column in the very classy Blender magazine.

Kitaen on how to land rocker boyfriend : I made David Coverdale wait about three months. I made Tommy Lee wait about four weeks. That's quick for me! Look, the way you get these guys is, you don't sleep with them. The girls that give it up quickly are called groupies.

Look out Dr. Laura!

As for Mr. Finley he got hit a few more times...by the Giants in the 2002 National League Championships. He gave up 7 hits and 4 runs in five innings of work and was out of a job.

No word on whether or not he still continues to drop the n-bomb on a regular basis.

South East Asia, please do not take this the wrong way, but you are like those couples in high school that go out to Pizza Hut to celebrate their 8 week anniversay. Don't embarass yourselves.

Wait another 6 months, you can do it, I believe in you...

People like you a lot more than they liked Janet Lynn MacNeil and that short elfish looking guy.

South Asians mark tsunami anniversary

Across South East Asia, communities are marking six months since an earthquake under the Indian Ocean triggered a tsunami

I Bet She Has Rabies

From the ages of 9 to 13, my brother and I delivered the Cape Breton Post. We were not very good at our job, but it still took them 12 year to find an adequate replacement for us.

Canine newspaper carrier

She is so kind and intuitive; she seems to understand everything you say to her.

She also probably wouldn't need someone to spell out who Schwarznegger is for her.

no idea who these guys are

Chronicle Herald Context of Champions

From Thursday's Chronicle Herald

Mr. Grady said he's not trying to create problems for the municipality.

"But I think what we have here is an overmuscular identification of the need to express authority. And as far as I'm aware, Gov. Schwarznegger of California is not operative in the Halifax Regional Municipality

Apparently the Herald believes that none of its readership would understand that Schwarznegger reference because they went on to include this :

Arnold Schwarznegger is a former Mr. Universe who became an action movie star before turning to politics.

Dr. Strange Glove
or
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bronx Bombers

There will be a baseball practice with people from HalifaxLocals and Rock In Halifax dot net and anyone else who would be interested in playing semi-formal baseball games (slo pitch, all varieties of talent/ability/skill) at noon on this coming Sunday (Jun 26th). The practice will be at the Halifax Commons (specific field to be determined). Bring whatever gear you can. If you have extra gloves, balls, or bats, bring them. Everyone will meet by the knole by the fountain in the centre of the commons.

There will be a game on the 3rd of July. That's a Sunday. If you can play that would be terrific

There will hopefully be another game on the 16th of July against the CbLocals team. This will take place the day of the Burdocks Cd release party (July 16th).

There will be a pretty wide array of skill levels so don't worry if you haven't played in a while or played ever. Noone is going to expect you to be Aaron Boone let alone Derek Jeter. Everyone is welcome.

If you have any questions post a comment.

You may want to start thinking about a team name.