Saturday, March 18, 2006
I feel like a jackass when I tell people that they have said the exact wrong thing.
Tonight is a perfect example; I was pretty bummed out that we weren't playing the North by Northend Festival with Rammer. I am pretty sure that once tour is finished, this band is through. I think I'm the only one in the band who sees it as their primary band and as a result I attach much too much importance to it. Playing in it is cathartic, I can unleash all the bad shit in my life and have it done with. It's a nice feeling, but I know it's fleeting. I want to make every moment count and I don't want to waste any time. I feel like I have done enough time wasting and I just want this band to be different.
When I found out earlier this evening that we weren't playing I was heartbroken, I can't really describe it any better than that. It just bummed me out and I didn't feel like leaving my house. Not because I'm a big baby...well yes it is because I'm a big baby, but mostly because a night at Gus's Pub inhaling smoke didn't appeal to me. At least if we were playing that high would carry me through the rest of the night and give me the necessary lift to coast the rest of the night.
I had made up my mind that I was being an idiot by not going. I had drank two Old Milwaukees and was sick of hanging out in my ill fitting jogging pants. Then the phone rang. I don't know what conversations had occurred, but someone had clearly told the intoxicated dialer on the other end of the conversation that I was sulking. I don't know there's something about someone telling you that you're acting like a baby that just makes you want to contine to hang out in your discount jogging pants and sit at home drinking Old Milwaukees, part of it is because I am stubborn, but part of it is because my idea of getting cheered up doesn't involve getting called a baby.
WAH WAH WAH
Tonight is a perfect example; I was pretty bummed out that we weren't playing the North by Northend Festival with Rammer. I am pretty sure that once tour is finished, this band is through. I think I'm the only one in the band who sees it as their primary band and as a result I attach much too much importance to it. Playing in it is cathartic, I can unleash all the bad shit in my life and have it done with. It's a nice feeling, but I know it's fleeting. I want to make every moment count and I don't want to waste any time. I feel like I have done enough time wasting and I just want this band to be different.
When I found out earlier this evening that we weren't playing I was heartbroken, I can't really describe it any better than that. It just bummed me out and I didn't feel like leaving my house. Not because I'm a big baby...well yes it is because I'm a big baby, but mostly because a night at Gus's Pub inhaling smoke didn't appeal to me. At least if we were playing that high would carry me through the rest of the night and give me the necessary lift to coast the rest of the night.
I had made up my mind that I was being an idiot by not going. I had drank two Old Milwaukees and was sick of hanging out in my ill fitting jogging pants. Then the phone rang. I don't know what conversations had occurred, but someone had clearly told the intoxicated dialer on the other end of the conversation that I was sulking. I don't know there's something about someone telling you that you're acting like a baby that just makes you want to contine to hang out in your discount jogging pants and sit at home drinking Old Milwaukees, part of it is because I am stubborn, but part of it is because my idea of getting cheered up doesn't involve getting called a baby.
WAH WAH WAH
We're not playing tonight at Gus's Pub.
Our bassist, Lachie, is sick.
I am sorry.
Please go and see A/V, it's Philip's birthday, On Vinyl, Rock Ranger, and Rammer from Toronto. Rammer will rip your face off.
If I said you were on the guest list tonight for the show, well you're not.
Our bassist, Lachie, is sick.
I am sorry.
Please go and see A/V, it's Philip's birthday, On Vinyl, Rock Ranger, and Rammer from Toronto. Rammer will rip your face off.
If I said you were on the guest list tonight for the show, well you're not.
You take the good, you take the bad and there you have...
I feel like such a baby sometimes.
The job front isn't exactly so great right now. I have gone on a few interviews;
one for the Attention Deficit Association of Nova Scotia (how appropriate), one for a publishing firm (still waiting to hear back), and another for a marketing company (I think I received a job offer, but it might have been a scam), but nothing's really jumped out at me. I hate feeling so directionless, clearly it's not as bad as I make it seem, I always make everything out to be much worse than it seems.
There's been some good news in terms of freelancing, which makes me feel like I'm not totally wasting my time. I just wish I knew what exactly I was good at and then I could just devote all my time to that. As it stand right now I feel like I am tackling a dozen things in a half assed manner. What would 18 year old me say to 27 year old me?
I told my dad about the comedy thing (is it an act? an annoyance?) the other day and he started grilling me on what my 'monologue' (his word, not mine) was about. Not wanting to discuss 'conversations about blowjobs with my father' with my actual father, I quickly hung up.
I feel like such a baby sometimes.
The job front isn't exactly so great right now. I have gone on a few interviews;
one for the Attention Deficit Association of Nova Scotia (how appropriate), one for a publishing firm (still waiting to hear back), and another for a marketing company (I think I received a job offer, but it might have been a scam), but nothing's really jumped out at me. I hate feeling so directionless, clearly it's not as bad as I make it seem, I always make everything out to be much worse than it seems.
There's been some good news in terms of freelancing, which makes me feel like I'm not totally wasting my time. I just wish I knew what exactly I was good at and then I could just devote all my time to that. As it stand right now I feel like I am tackling a dozen things in a half assed manner. What would 18 year old me say to 27 year old me?
I told my dad about the comedy thing (is it an act? an annoyance?) the other day and he started grilling me on what my 'monologue' (his word, not mine) was about. Not wanting to discuss 'conversations about blowjobs with my father' with my actual father, I quickly hung up.
