Tuesday, November 18, 2003
I just envision someone wanting desperately to punch me in the face right now. They're sending out their desires over telepathic conduits and it's working. So far today, I've fallen on the sidewalk and landed on my back, I've fallen down the stairs and landed on my ass and hit my funny bone on the bottom stair, my enormous Alberta Health bill arrived today and I refuse to open it, my throat is sore, and Jay'z just quit hip hop.
The reason I lie: because I'm sure everyone would hate me if I didn't lie to them.
Self loathing is such a great quality to possess. Maybe in my mind it's easier to loathe myself than actually be loathed.
The person I choose to tell the truth to, probably hates me now and I'm not sure if it's better being honest and being hated or being loved and being a liar. The phrase, Stop Lying to Yourself reverbates through my head and I guess the last little while I've been able to tell myself I'm not lying at all. I probably employ the same trick that career criminals use to fool a polygraph.
Before I start transforming myself into some sort of martyr, I should probably realize that
I should think of all these things before I undertake the actions that I feel I need to lie about. I wouldn't have to come clean if I did the right thing.
Regardless it's time to face up to the consequences of the things I do.
This time I'm not running away from anything.
Self loathing is such a great quality to possess. Maybe in my mind it's easier to loathe myself than actually be loathed.
The person I choose to tell the truth to, probably hates me now and I'm not sure if it's better being honest and being hated or being loved and being a liar. The phrase, Stop Lying to Yourself reverbates through my head and I guess the last little while I've been able to tell myself I'm not lying at all. I probably employ the same trick that career criminals use to fool a polygraph.
Before I start transforming myself into some sort of martyr, I should probably realize that
I should think of all these things before I undertake the actions that I feel I need to lie about. I wouldn't have to come clean if I did the right thing.
Regardless it's time to face up to the consequences of the things I do.
This time I'm not running away from anything.
