We're Headed Up My Mom's Ass!

It isn't baseball season unless Darryl Strawberry or Dwight Gooden are wanted by the police.

The best thing Dwight Gooden ever contributed to popular culture was this story about Kevin Mitchell from Gooden's "autobiography" Heat :

"Kevin, stop acting so crazy, these people are your friends," she said. With that, Mitch turned to her and raised his anger to yet another level. Still holding the knife in his right hand, he grabbed his girlfriend's little cat, who had the misfortune to be walking near his feet at that very moment.

In one awful sweep of his hand, Mitch pulled the cat's head back, exposing its throat.

"You think I'm kidding when I say don't ever fuck with me?" he shouted. Before the girl could answer, Mitch took the knife to the cat, and cut its head off.

Clean.

I was horrified by the sight: Mitch was still holding the cat's head in one hand, while the body dropped to the floor, blood pouring out from where the head once was, limbs still twitching.

The girl was practically out of control, screaming so loud I'm shocked the cops didn't actually show up. Meade tried to run for the door, but Mitch wasn't about to become reasonable yet.

"Sit the fuck down, Meade. You and Doc, sit down on that couch and don't move," he said.

Considering he had a severed cat's head and a knife in his hands, he didn't get an argument from either one of us.