We're Headed Up My Mom's Ass!

I probably watched too many slapstick comedies as a kid. When we first got a vcr we allowed my dad to pick out our movies for us. I'm not sure why but I think it may have been because we were just so enamoured with the idea of watching movies that we didn't care what films we watched or who picked them out. I'm pretty sure I have seen every Fred McMurray movie. We watched a lot of bad disney films with a high slapstick content. Somewhere along the line my subconcious must have decided that slapstick was not only fun, but enjoyable as well.

This year on my 25th birthday I decided to finally act out what I my childhood self had seen on the television screen years before. I found someone willing to oblige me in Claudette.

At first I thought, in my liquor store bag bib, "Wow this is kind of funny! I feel like Lou Costello!"



I felt a little bad that I was having all the fun.



I figured Claudette could use some pie as well.



We were then asked to leave and pie and cake were banned from any further festivities at the house.



Thanks to Gerry and Emily for the pictures.

I rode the greyhound from Banff to Regina.
The problem with Regina is that you can see it hours before you're even there.
(I guess that's the problem with Prairie cities in general)
If you couldn't see it, you wouldn't know it's coming.
You could just think, "I've got hours to kill."
You could just tell yourself that you don't have to deal with anything just yet.
I got anxious and ignored the woman next to me.
I guess her life story was important to someone.
I was just waiting for Regina to come.
I couldn't stop it.
I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I was going to do.
The kid across from my seat keeps telling her mom she's drowning when she jumps into the aisle.
You can pretend a lot of things, but you can't pretend the city isn't there.
As I get off I drag my feet.

I used to belive that one day I'd discover I had super powers. I figured that the trick to uncovering them was that I had to be in a situation where my body had no choice but to reveal my powers. I'd be falling off a cliff and my super powered instincts would kick in and I'd start to fly. This would be akin to people who perform extraordinary acts in situations in which their lives or the lives of loved ones are in danger.

I wasn't quite eager and willing to jump off a cliff or place my mom in the path of an oncoming train. I tried lifting massive boulders, jumpinf off balconies, jumping out of trees, and running really fast. I figured that super speed was my destiny; I was virtually owed it.

I ran anywhere I could, open fields, play grounds, to and from school, shopping malls, the hallways of my house. I theorized that I just had to hit a certain speed and then my super speed would take over and I'd be transformed into a human blur. I'd start to feel friction as my feet hit the top speed humanly possible and then my powers would be triggered and I'd move effortless as I whizzed by everyone. Scenery would blend and blur together. I'd be nothing more than a breeze moving past you making the hair on your arms stand on end.

Surprisingly enough it never happned.

Sometimes when I got older and we played soccer I had a feeling that maybe it could happen. I tried but I just bent over with pains in my stomach.